


a philosophical tendency, or, jim finds meaning where there is none (and bones has to talk him out of it)

by epicionly



Series: LJ Comment-Fic [4]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Just being there for someone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 16:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epicionly/pseuds/epicionly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Leonard thinks Jim goes out to get hurt for the sake of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a philosophical tendency, or, jim finds meaning where there is none (and bones has to talk him out of it)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Kirk+McCoy, looking at the ceiling in Sickbay

Sometimes, Leonard thinks Jim goes out to get hurt for the sake of it. It's the principle of the thing, or whatever; but in all honesty, he worries. He's probably lost about more than half his life span--however short it would have been, considering that Leonard is greying faster than Jim either prompts alien species to either kill them or kiss them (or just Jim)--from the time he's spent by Jim's side alone, but damned right if Leonard is going to let some crackpot doctor take his place.

It's well known that Jim hates Sickbays, but it's a little known fact that when Jim is on his own, he seems to dissolve into the silence like it's second nature to him. It's like there's no real reason to prove anything, like he's all fine and well, cocky and as much confident as he is when there are people to see him, but that instinctive need to defend and protect himself only comes to play when there are others who are capable of judging. Leonard doesn't really understand it, or think he has grounds to even try to, but when he pulls back the curtain to check on Jim a few hours after the most recent (heart-attacking inducing) surgery (because Jim flat-lined one time too many for Bones's poor nerves), he's slightly surprised to see Jim conscious and actually quiet for once.

It might have something to do with the fact that the chemicals still lingering in Jim have yet to leave his system. One of the side effects is a drowsy disposition, but like everything else in his life, Jim seems determined to stay stubborn and awake instead of asleep. The ceiling seems to be of great importance if the way Jim is staring intently at it is anything to go about. Then again, after accepting Captaincy, Jim's had a lot to go through, and those 'a lots' usually leave him recovering back in Sickbay.

"Bones?" he says faintly, "I'm so tired. I feel depressed. Why do I exist?" He presses his hands over his eyes and lets out a groan. 

It's not like this kind of scene hasn't happened before. It has. Under recovery periods, Jim has an alarming tendency to withdraw into himself or delve into the ever-present philosophy. It makes sense, considering that when you're bedridden, you get this air of vulnerability, and if anything, it's something Jim never was used to as a kid and doesn't appreciate much for now.

"That'd be the drugs," Leonard replies as he draws closer. If his voice becomes a smidgen quieter to reflect Jim's, it's not his fault. It's a natural thing. "You feeling okay, kid?"

"Help me sit up?"

Leonard does. "Easy now."

They talk a bit.

Jim's not really one for looking back at the past, but sometimes he can't help it. To another person (though that's hardly likely because Jim doesn't _share_ himself with other people, doesn't share _this_ with anyone if at all), Jim is trying to desperately make stable what he has to his own self. Leonard knows it's just Jim's way of trying to ascertain that he actually cares, that Leonard is listening.

Leonard likes to think that maybe he offers a one-on-one that was a bit more friendly than a ceiling, but at the moment he's checking that Jim's okay and giving him reluctant, if not self-indulgent scowls and sarcasm that loosen the tension around Jim's shoulders and brightens the expressions on his face.

To be fair, there's nothing Leonard can say that Jim hasn't heard or told himself. It seems to help, regardless, and they talk all until Jim eventually passes out.

**Author's Note:**

> Filled April 4, 2012.


End file.
